I mentioned in an earlier blog post that there were a few dark sides to weight loss, including getting pantsed by the TSA and dealing with hipsters eager to tell you what you’re doing wrong. Those are all valid irritations. But for my money, the one that bothers me the most is looking back on the excuses I made. There really wasn’t a magic button that I needed to press to allow this to happen. All it took was for me to hitch up my big-boy pants and admit that all of the quick fixes I’d been trying were working about as well as the Shake Weight.
You know how you’re rolling your eyes right now? That’s about the only exercise this device will accomplish.
But I did manage to come up with quite a few gems when Bennett would explain to me what TSFL entailed. At the time, I took them very seriously. As I look back, I realize precisely what they were: Grade-A, fertilizer grade horse nuggets. They were excuses designed to protect me from a set of cold, hard facts.
I wasn’t fat because our culture conspired against me. I wasn’t fat because I’d been raised in a household that didn’t value nutrition. I wasn’t fat because I worked at a desk and never got the chance to work out. I was fat because each time I had to make a decision between instant gratification and not jiggling, gratification won every single time. It wasn’t this carefully guarded secret that Krispy Kreme doughnuts were bad for me. Each time I picked one up and took a bite, I was making a conscious, informed choice.
There are so many excuses that we use as to why we aren’t eating right, exercising or taking care of ourselves in the slightest. These were some of my greatest hits.
It’s too expensive!
This is a good one. It’s also the easiest to convince ourselves of, because the mountain of cash that we spend on food doing its level-best to murder us is carefully hidden unless you dive into your budget and sniff it out. I’ve already done one analysis of the costs of my chosen health program, but the truth is that none of us got to the point where we’re having to crane our necks to see our toes without investing some serious coin on sugar, fat and carefully engineered and processed garbage. Vending machines, sodas, convenience stores, movie theater popcorn, fast food breakfasts, pizza deliveries, late-night snacks, fast food lunches, ballpark hot dogs, Starbucks lattes, Chinese buffets, fair food, birthday cakes, doughnuts, bagels, fast food dinners, ice cream, potato chips… I can keep going, but I’ve got work tomorrow and my hands are starting to cramp.
Write this down. Tattoo it on the inside of your eyelids if you have to. When you make the decision to change what you shovel into your food hole, YOU WILL SPEND LESS MONEY. It’s that simple.
It’s not the right time to start!
I used this one a LOT. Part of it stems from the cost argument, but most of the time, it was because of some other vague reason. The holidays were coming up, the girls were out of school, I’m really going to buckle down and commit to this for New Years… Crap, crap and total self-delusional crap. These are nothing more than delaying tactics, designed to shield you from the fact that you’re afraid. I sure as hell was.
See, the instant we commit to a healthier lifestyle, there are two possibilities: success or failure. And should we fail (as the majority of us have done many, many times), we can make all the excuses we want, but it boils down to the fact that in the battle of willpower vs. high fructose corn syrup, we lost. Badly. We gave up a future where we aren’t trundling around Walmart on a Rascal scooter while someone films us from behind for tonight’s expose on “Obesity In America”. What’s worse? We gave it up for a cheap fix that makes us feel better for half a second, and then like shit warmed over for the rest of the day. You figure that if you don’t start, you can’t fail.
But I already was failing. I was failing every day I got fatter, and every day I paid money for food that was making me bloated and sick. Delays for holidays, using family as an excuse, and promises for a future date? Those are white flags, messages to the world that you don’t have the willpower to do what has to be done.
That diet won’t work for me!
Okay, this excuse gets a semi-pass. There are valid medical conditions that will prevent you from eating certain foods. If eating soy makes your head puff up like an overenthusiastic blowfish, don’t eat soy-based foods. Those are valid reasons not to pursue a particular health plan. But anything else?
There are plenty of diets and health programs that have been in place for decades. I chose Take Shape For Life, and I’m damn glad I did, but there are alternatives, and if you find one that helps you start living a healthier lifestyle, I will shake your hand and cheer as loud as anyone. But they all require one basic component: commitment.
I did Atkins and lost forty pounds in three months. I then began to shovel sugar and carbs in my mouth, and gained every single pound back. This was not a failure of Atkins, this was a lack of commitment on my part. TSFL, Weight Watchers, Paleo, South Beach, Jenny Craig, or any other weight loss plan out there? They all have that in common. If you don’t commit, you won’t succeed. Don’t blame that failure on the system. Place the blame right where it belongs: On your still-jiggly shoulders.
At the end of the day, getting healthy isn’t that complicated. If it was, I’d still be wheezing at my desk after walking to the vending machine and back. There’s no magic formula, no secret weapon. There are ludicrous amounts of resources and a huge network of support, just waiting to celebrate your success. The only thing that’s keeping you fat is you.
